#28 - Feelin Like a Grinch?

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

holidays, feel, noise, thoughts, perfectionist, trisha, cookies, year, wonderful, making, love, life, season, gingerbread cookies, reach, eat, special, baking, holiday gifts, moment

SPEAKERS

Trisha Barita

00:02

Hey there, I'm Trisha Barita. I'm a mother of twin girls, a wife, an entrepreneur, a psychology major, a lawyer, and a coach. With all these different roles in my life, in the past, I truly struggled with limiting beliefs in my ability to adequately juggle all these roles successfully, I often would be frustrated that time and again, I let my goals and dreams always take a backseat to everything else I was trying to do. And those dreams always seem to be on the horizon, just out of reach. Until I discovered tools and thought work to help me tackle and learn to balance all of it. Now, I don't let these titles define my limits. I define my balance in life, by how I choose to show up for myself every day. Am I perfect? Hell no far from it. But I do work every day to believe in myself, and to be present with whatever I experienced in this life, The Good, the Bad, and The really fucking ugly. to own my truth and own my thoughts. I created this podcast to talk about how that noise gets in the way of our goals as women. And now I help women and teach them tools to cut the overwhelm of noise in their life, preventing them from getting the balance they want. If you like this podcast and want to take my free course to get started on designing your balance, and saying fuck that noise, go to Trisha barita.com forward slash free course. Now let's get after it

02:07

Well, hello, fabulous friends, we are into the swing of the holidays. Now, I know this because I went to Bath and Bodyworks and they're selling their crazy ass expensive candles at a somewhat decent discount, making them only slightly less expensive. And then I proceed, of course to buy several things because I can't help myself. And I buy those like the ones that smell like a fresh tree in your house like a Christmas tree. I can remember the name, but it's so my house smells like that. Because no matter how much I take care of my life Christmas tree, well, it's dead and it doesn't give off that beautiful smell, you know, after a couple of days, so, so I think it was the candles so I can pretend it's a it's still smelling like, I love it. And don't tell anyone. Anyway, okay, so. But as the famous Andy Williams song says, around this time of year, there's the theme that it is the most wonderful time of the year. Your song also says everyone is telling you to be of good cheer, and it is the happiest season of all. And I will say this, it is so true that so much around us this time of year is telling us everything is wonderful, that it is the most wonderful time of the year. And it's included in advertising, it's included in other people, it's included in just so much stuff. And you know, I, I think there's so much you know, beauty and magic, certainly in the holiday season. And I I'm I certainly I certainly think that like the love that, you know, you see with with how much you know, children and parents sort of embrace this and the kids have that sparkle in their eye and the Santa and then of course the blessings and love and gratitude that people show each other around this time of year. I love all that stuff. But does this particular season always feel the most wonderful. For so many it doesn't. And for me it certainly hasn't. And doesn't always feel the most wonderful. I'm pausing here because it took me a long time to be okay with saying that. Am I a scrooge? Absolutely not. I would have obviously given Bob Cratchit a couple of PTO days. Am I a Grinch? Not exactly. I don't think so. I'm not a bad banana and I don't have a bad attitude. But did I feel and do I sometimes feel grinchy You know, if I wasn't feeling the most wonderful, you know, I think maybe sometimes the ideal of the perfectionism of the season of this season in particular, you know, the noise of advertising the other people, the expectations, it just can feel like the spirit of the holidays almost gets lost in that feeling that everything has to be perfect. And you have to feel perfect through the whole thing to truly enjoy it. And I just don't believe that's true. I mean, I love the holidays, but it doesn't mean I have to feel it's the most wonderful time of the year, the whole way through. For instance, you know, in our family, we've lost relatives close to the holidays. So sometimes those memories come up. And I know, that happens to so many people around this time of year, and it can be sad, and difficult. And, and it doesn't feel wonderful. Sometimes, so, you know, or sometimes this time of year is just like any other time of the year, you have a day that it's not as great, okay, worked and go great, or the kids are fighting with each other, or, you know, you know, you, you screwed up the dinner you're making, I mean, whatever it is, and just because, you know, it's the holidays, you know, you won't have to show up with an extra ounce of Pepe. In the past, I also used to, I also used to feel an extra, like mental weight around the holidays, about what and when things needed to get done. And, you know, it seemed like my past, like lack of organization around time was under the spotlight around the holidays, because I never felt like it was able to keep up with all that I was expected to do. I would, I would start, you know, getting holiday cards in the mail from others, and I hadn't even ordered mine. And my mental thought would be well you're feeling at this Trisha. Like already, here we are at the beginning. And I felt like I was hustling, you know, to get everything done. And every moment I was actually supposed to be enjoying the holidays, I just couldn't help my mind and stop my mind from running, you know, into all these other thoughts about how I should be doing this or that and this to do list in my head, you know, with the with the getting the gifts and all the traditions, and baking all the cookies and making everything super perfect. And you know, that perfectionist brain just eating weight, every misstep. Oh, and of course, you know, the noise of somebody else. All right, well, whether it be a family member or friend, you know, whoever telling me how they had done so much, you know, like, they bought all their family holiday gifts in July, or everything was wrapped by Thanksgiving. I mean, forget it, I would just be standing there at a holiday party smiling and nodding and in my head, like I'm spiraling out about how bad I am in the holidays, about how I shouldn't be in this moment with these people, these people, you know, I love and who likely meant nothing right about sharing their accomplishments. me most, most people don't maybe some people do it, you know, they're just sharing, right and, and here, you know, I was making it mean, that that this somehow was a reflection on on me and, and whether I had my act together, you know, all up in my head. And that I shouldn't be with these people, you know, and spending time here because I should really be online shopping or labeling envelopes or baking or creating custom teacher gifts for the kids teachers or whatever, etc, etc. And sometimes just the thought that we need to feel that it is the most wonderful time of the year, when we're not feeling that way. That pressure to feel that it can cause us to buffer right? Holiday buffering, it's a whole thing. You know, and that's when you're reaching for something else. To you know, not feel certain feelings to avoid something and so when it's, you know, from most it could be all kinds of things but for most people it falls around all the booze and food during the holidays because it is like everywhere Isn't it like people are like drink this try this eat this you know? And then there's like extra like expectation around it. I mean that's why so many people just try not to even like you know follow some sort of diet or something during this time here because it's like, you know people like this is true. You're going to try this is like my great great grandmother's like famous that it was only me this one time a year. condensating requires these special ingredients and you're like, oh my god, like, I have to eat this now, like, this person has decided this, you know, told me this whole story and like, if I'm so rude if I don't, you know, like, and then at the same time, you're like, I'm not feeling like great Michael does eat this, maybe it'll be amazing maybe like feel better. I mean, you know, those extra special things that only show up at time here, those are really easy to kind of like fall into for buffering because you're just like, well, you know, just this once. And even if you don't want it, even if you're not hungry, even if it's not your thing. So, you know, it's interesting, because, you know, those special kinds of things pop up everywhere. I mean, from the gingerbread cookies, and all those amazing other cookies. I mean, in my house, we create puzzles, because it was, you know, traditional my husband's family and if you haven't had them, they're like this beautiful, simple, European, classic cookie. And really fun to make if you have a Puzzle Maker, but those, we only make them this time of year you know, and then there's then there's the holiday fudge. And what does that the Chex Mix wouldn't like all mix up money max or whatever. The Godiva chocolates, candy canes, then those traditional traditional things like Queen in cordial cherries are in these men's. This fancy specialty cocktails with like all the little like cutesy ness to them or the eggnog and then all the wine, you know, more and more wine. I mean, Geez, it's really, really hard. So it's telling you all these special things, and you're not feeling that great about the holidays, and you're thinking whatever, why not. I mean, you know, when you think about it, what's on your oh my god amazing list of special food or drinks around the holidays, and you can kind of know what I'm talking about. The thing is, is that I'm not here to judge you on your food and your cocktails for the holidays, Hey,

12:01

I am just here to let you know it's okay to recognize that you don't need to consume any of that to feel that it's okay. When everything is not the most wonderful time of the year for you. Because sometimes we've trained our brain that food or booze brings us comfort so we reach for it in those moments to try and calm the thoughts and just comfort you know, such as not being always the most peppy, happy perfect holiday spirit in the room. Um, you know, drink because you want to drink because it's your plan to drink because it's part of your lifestyle because you made those decisions ahead of time. And eat what you want to eat the same, you know, but not because you're trying to quiet the perfectionist noise in your head. Not because you're feeling like a Grinch when you don't feel amazing and wonderful every minute of every day of every moment of the holiday season. I know this may be easier said than done. But if the beautiful you just starts to recognize it's cool to be you. However you feel in whatever season and let go of the perfectionist need to be anything else. You can start to remember what will really matter when you look back on this holiday season years from now. And it won't be the crap your perfectionist thoughts are telling you to focus on. It will be those special moments that you can miss when when you're letting yourself feel like a Grinch. And I'll leave you with that. Now go get after it. You got this

13:45

Hey, thanks for listening today. If you enjoyed this episode, and are a woman ready to say fuck that noise, so you can start designing the balance in your life. Go take my free course to get started at Trisha barita.com forward slash free course. Now Have an awesome day and