#16 - Own Your Journey

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

thoughts, journey, rubber band, goal, peter, obstacle, life, boot camp, create, invite, noise, type, plan, wife, healthy eating, setbacks, path, dreams, love

SPEAKERS

Trisha Barita 

00:02

Hey there, I'm Trisha Barita. I'm a mother of twin girls, a wife, an entrepreneur, a psychology major, a lawyer, and a coach. With all these different roles in my life, in the past, I truly struggled with limiting beliefs in my ability to adequately juggle all these roles successfully, I often would be frustrated that time and again, I let my goals and dreams always take a backseat to everything else I was trying to do. And those dreams always seem to be on the horizon, just out of reach, until I discovered tools and thought work to help me tackle and learn to balance all of it. Now, I don't let these titles define my limits. I define my balance in life, by how I choose to show up for myself every day. Am I perfect? Hell no far from it. But I do work every day to believe in myself, and to be present with whatever I experienced in this life, The Good, the Bad, and The really fucking ugly. to own my truth and own my thoughts. I created this podcast to talk about how that noise gets in the way of our goals as women. And now I help women and teach them tools to cut the overwhelm of noise in their life, preventing them from getting the balance they want. If you like this podcast and want to take my free course to get started on designing your balance, and saying fuck that noise, go to Trisha barita.com, forward slash free course. Now let's get after it.

02:07

Hello, fabulous friends. So today I'm going to tell a story involving my husband, Peter. Let's see how much trouble I can get into. Just kidding. Alright, so I love Peter, I want him to be as healthy as he can be. So he can do all the things with me live a long life with me. Watch our daughters grow up, travel the world with me all of it. I mean, I genuinely love him. So if I'm starting out on some health kick about something, of course, I sometimes especially in the past, have felt this urge to bring him with me on that journey. Now you may feel the same way about your significant other. Or for you, it might be a friend or your kids or whomever that you're trying to bring on your health journey. And this could be like, you know, new healthy eating different, you know, food meals that you want to create, or, you know, add more vegetables, you know, or maybe it's, you know, getting getting out to do some type of exercise together or whatever it may be. Now, I remember like 10 years ago or something, getting this like idea that I would get up early and start this workout routine, like a boot camp outside, in the mornings in my driveway. So Peter and I at this point had been married for a little while. But this was before we had had our daughters. And so anyhow, I was like, beat her. And I should totally do this together. I done one of those like boot camps before. And I thought rather than waste the time driving over there. And so we don't have to pay the monthly fee. I could just do this with Peter, we could motivate each other bond. I mean, all kinds of dreams and thoughts about how I was gonna go. So when I approached Peter about it, you know, because I was all excited. I mean, I was thinking this is going to be a new part of us bonding as husband and wife and all that. And anyway, Peter was like, Yeah, I love you, honey, but I don't think I want to do that. And in my head, I was like, what? This did not go how I planned it. Didn't he see that he needs this too. And how this is obviously a good idea. I even like questioned him and of course like I'm a lawyer, right? So I'm like me it was like a mini interrogation. All I have to say many, many, many wives out there that don't don't need a law degree to get a mini interrogation of their husband, but But anyway, or there's files or whatever, right? So anyway you and so I tried and tried and he wasn't I knew it. I even told him, Well, this is good for you, not just for me, and why don't you want to do this? Blah, blah? Yeah. And he was like, No, I don't want to get up early and do that. And well, I felt a little frustrated. I was thinking, hearing him on this new idea to keep us both healthy. And he's on board. What is that about? And so my thoughts kind of just start spinning. What does that mean for our marriage? Just beat or not care that I just want us to live a long, healthy life. I even started to think well, now I can't do it. I had planned for us to do together. So now it's just not gonna work out. And I even had thoughts blaming him that my whole plan that I spent time coming up with, and planning to get up early and do a boot camp, you know, type workout in the driveway was wasted, because he wouldn't do it with me, and, and on and on thoughts like that. Now, let me clarify, Peter is awesome. He does. And even back then, of course, he did tons of great things for me and with me. So then, why was I making him not doing this with me? mean all those things? Good question, right. Now, I've also seen this, like a similar type scenario, come up with my coaching clients when they're trying to implement a new diet or different healthy eating type plan to the family. And because mommy's doing it, the whole family needs to do it. And, and I'm not saying you can't introduce new healthy foods for your family, or you can't like invite your significant other to work out with you. What I'm saying is that, you may find it useful to watch your thoughts around these type of scenarios.

07:07

And because it can be very tempting to want to have them on this journey with you. I know because I've been there with those thoughts myself. And of course, it can be for all kinds of reasons, because you care about them. Because you love company who doesn't, right? Because you think you'll be more successful with the accountability of a partner. And you know what? All of that may be true. But, and this is a big, but it still doesn't mean they need to do it with you. Because this is your journey. Making real change in your life can require a lot of focus and energy. It requires you to start to create boundaries, change thoughts, do things you've never done before. experience setbacks, be uncomfortable. I truly don't believe you can or should force someone, especially not kicking and dragging into that journey. Even though you may believe it would be good for them. In fact, no matter how much you believe it would be good for them. And good for you. Now, just because you're not insisting on everybody going on this health path with you, does not mean that you're abandoning them. Really it doesn't. I mean, by inviting them to join you, and then accepting whatever their response is. You're just providing them their space for their own journey. You aren't the boss of them. Okay, well, maybe if we're talking about minor kids, you feel like you are the boss of them. But still parenting the side. I mean, if if Peter had taken me up on the bootcamp, I didn't vision for us. What if he did it for three weeks? And then he said he didn't want to do it? What does that mean for me? Do I stop? Do I argue with him to continue? Do I make him feel guilty about me feeling I'm forced to quit because I have no one to do with? Do I create resentment about that? You see what I mean about these thoughts? They can be very become very unproductive, not useful, and sometimes even I think harmful to a relationship. When you dream scary big like I talked about in episode 10. Or when you just want to add a new habit to your life. It has to be about you. Your thoughts about that goal have to be about you. Your overcoming challenges that you face have to be about you making your journey about you and not any But he else is kind of like creating a rubber band ball with all the rubber band being about you rather than a ton of rubber bands about other people. Okay, that may be a weird analogy, but let me just break that down. Alright, if you were called Rubber Band balls are a ton of like rubber bands on top of rubber bands so much that it creates this like rubber band ball. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please just Google rubber band ball and you'll see, but so when you have a goal, say reaching that goal is at the center of that rubber band ball. And in order to reach the goal, you're going to have to take off one rubber band at a time. Which for this analogy, let's say it signifies some obstacle or hurdle could be physical obstacles or hurdles or mental thoughts you get overcome. But some obstacle or hurdle, you're going to have to get through to move forward, closer to the center of the rubber band ball, hence the goal. Now in theory, this usually will take a lot of effort and work to take each rubber band off to overcome each obstacle. Some may be easier than others, but it's going to take some amount of effort that you're going to have to set forth. So when you add on thoughts and obstacles related to other people, it just makes for a really big rubber band ball. Now you have their rubber bands about their thoughts and their obstacles and their setbacks and their setbacks can become your setbacks. And all of that can get kind of heavy. So you can go on this health goal journey with other people, you can invite others to join you, you can join others on their goals, right, you can be present together, encourage each other, be in a beautiful community of others goaling alongside you.

11:58

But ultimately, your path may be different than theirs. And that is okay. You may each have to have your own rubber band ball to truly be effective. Sometimes another part of owning your journey is you have to make space in your life that the journey is yours, not theirs. And then step into that space. So you can be successful. And you may be thinking you need these other people in order to find that success. But remember, there's a slight shift in thinking you need them versus you would love to have them be part of your journey. If you can connect with those that support your goal, those individuals that can truly lift you up, I totally agree it is awesome. But sometimes the obstacles that you will face, even when surrounded by others, will in some ways always be your obstacle to overcome. Which again, is normal part of the process. There are many great people who've had no one on their journey with them, yet they were very, very successful. So take that back to the health goals that we've been talking about. When I set a goal to start a new fitness or healthy eating routine, instead of thinking about all the challenging paths I'll have to take to get there. I try to remember I will design my own path. And that's when I truly own my journey. So if you've ever started a new health goal and wanted your significant other or whomever to be on board with your new plan, and they didn't seem as excited as you are they got excited and then they kind of flopped down or they didn't want to do with you or they you know, I have three questions I want you to consider here. Number one, why? Ask yourself why do you want them to be on this journey with you? Process out what is about you? And what is about them? Number two, what are you making it mean if they do or they don't want to join? Are you intertwining, their excitement, their dedication, their success with yours? Are you making it mean something about your relationship that it doesn't really need to mean? You know, is any of those thoughts really productive or serving either one of you? And number three? How do you want to think about you owning your journey for yourself? And this last one especially I would jot this down somewhere that you can go back to and revisit if you need to as a reminder that this is your own journey, and it's your story to write. I will tell you from just my personal experience. I still always invite my hubby to whatever I am up to on him Have goals. And if he declines, I don't make it mean anything anymore, except that he doesn't want to do that right now. And just knowing that I am letting him follow his journey, and then I'm following mine. There's a peace in that. A freedom in that to hold my own rubber be involved and nobody else is. Now, I am always thinking with Peter and others. You want me to help you get the rubber bands off your wall. If I'm here and I know how to help or I can help, you know I will. But I'm always going to let it be, you know your journey. And I'll leave you with that. Now go get after it. You got this

15:54

Hey, thanks for listening today. If you enjoyed this episode, and are a woman ready to say fuck that noise, so you can start designing the balance in your life. Go take my free course to get started at Trisha barita.com Ford slash free course. Now Have an awesome day and I'll see you next week.